Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
