take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
