Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
