It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
