3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
