I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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