You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
