Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
