turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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