I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
