...so i touched it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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