I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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