I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
