just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
