there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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