Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
