This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
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stop calling my apartment porn island.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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