Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
