Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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