My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
