How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
