he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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