Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
