My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
do herpes really smell.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
