The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize