I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
