I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
