God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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