Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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