if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
