Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
