i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I want to be your penis for a week.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
