I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think my moral compass just broke
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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