i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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