I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
