I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
