just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
