she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
