saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
