Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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