Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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