sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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