I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
