Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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