the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
