Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
