Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
