So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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