I've blown a few things in my day
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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