don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
