what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
