sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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