He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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