I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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