How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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