i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
