If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You are the jesus of drinking
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
