I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
