My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
