I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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