He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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