So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
