There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
