I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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