Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
