I bet he comes in French.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
